Helping a child reach her potential while dealing with challenging personality traits, can be a difficult balancing act for parents. Having a “spirited” child is both a blessing and trial for some parents. This type of child is more of everything and more likely to test parents than a relaxed kid.
Parents may find that ruling with an iron fist is totally ineffective, as this high energy and high intelligence child will not work within a framework of domination. But, this kind of child does need a framework within which rules are rules and behavior is addressed effectively. Taming the Spirited Child: Strategies for Parenting Challenging Children Without Breaking Their Spirits (Fireside, 2007) by Michael Popkin, is a fantastic starting point for understanding what type of discipline will work with a super high intensity child.
What is a Spirited Child?
Children who are always on the go and interested in everything often can’t just turn off the intensity. They may be highly intelligent, observant, energetic and opposed to sleep. These qualities can seriously test a family. Battles with this child are hard fought and not always won.
Popkin advocates understanding and adapting parenting styles to each child. Easily said, but doing it is the challenge. The theory of “taming versus breaking” is a powerful one for parents. In addition, anticipation of problems, and proper encouragement along with the provision of clear expectations and holding children to them can provide results.
Discipline With Respect
When spirited children test parents, it can be hard for parents to stay in control. But, this is the linchpin to effective discipline. How can parents stay in control without giving in or blowing up? Popkin urges parents to maintain respectful relations with children as a way to model appropriate behavior and ultimately to inspire cooperation. Setting limits with empathy is something parents have to expend considerable energy doing to prevent children from gaining control.
As with any child, consistency is essential. When children know what to expect and don’t need to test limits that are established and firm, the chance of mayhem lessens. This is not to say that children will maintain self-control all the time. They are children, so expecting perfect impulse control is not realistic. How many adults have perfect impulse control?
Avoid Pitfalls When Dealing With Spirited Children
Certain triggers are likely to cause problems with spirited children. For instance, not getting enough sleep, over-stimulation, and hunger can be powerful triggers for the negative traits a child may be prone to displaying. Recognizing the limits of a child’s ability to tolerate these triggers can help a parent maintain calm. Yes, it does limit adults’ ability to operate in the adult world. But, remembering that children are not adults with adult tolerances can go a long way toward establishing peace.
In short, managing and considering a child’s temperament can bring out the spirited child’s best qualities. Often, intelligence, energy, humor and insightfulness are the wonderful hallmarks of a spirited child. They can be very success driven, competent and enjoyable kids if given an environment conducive to their talents and considerate of their flaws.
Lara Hammes - A mother of a 6 year-old daughter with high energy and an inquisitive nature, Lara utilizes creative ideas and resources to inspire ...
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